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Let go of grudges you may hold against your
child's other parent, who is absent from BOTH of
your lives. Holding onto feelings of anger will
not change your situation and will probably
consume a great deal of your energy - energy you
need to devote to creating a positive environment
for your child.
If you dwell on your disappointment with and/or
dislike of the father or mother of your child -
chances are your child will sense your feelings
and suffer in some way from your negative
attitude.
Even if you do not have a lot of money, you do
have your child and your love and your time to
give to him or her. Try to remember that monetary
wealth and material possessions are not the most
important items in your child's life.
Your love, support and time together mean much
more to them. You can have fun for free.
Activities like - going for a walk or a bike ride,
playing at the park, coloring, painting, singing,
or dancing - will thrill your child just as much
as spending money to go to an amusement park, an
arcade or a toy store.
Give as much as you can without setting goals that
are unrealistic for one parent to achieve. Don't
beat yourself up for what cannot be.
Do recognize what you can do to create a good life
for your child to the best of your abilities.
Surround yourself and your child with friends you
know and trust - people who care about both of
you. "Aunts" and "Uncles" and even "Grandparents," who are not blood-related can be just as
beneficial to your child as actual biological
family members.
The "family" you create for your child can provide
him or her with the same kind of love and support
as a traditional family. They can also help you
with your responsibilities as a single parent. Let
them play an active role in your child's life.
Learn to turn to your "family" when you need a
break.
Nobody should have to go it alone and you will
probably be able to be a better parent by relying
on your family of close friends to support you and
your child.
Remember whatever lead you to where you are today,
you are responsible for another life - the
innocent life of a child, who did not ask to be
born.
Your child is not responsible for the experiences
or events that made you become a single parent.
Your child is completely dependent upon you
through no choice of their own.
Don't let them down or hold them accountable for
your actions (or the actions of their absent
parent). They are powerless and vulnerable to the
possibly less-than-ideal consequences they face as
the child of a single parent. Your role and
influence in their life is paramount to their
chances of becoming a happy, productive,
successful adult. They need you more than their
words will ever tell.
Your child needs stability and security.
One way to provide this is by developing a daily
routine. Simple things like - going to the park
every Sunday afternoon, eating dinner together
each night, sharing a treat before nap time or
reading a book together before bed every night,
will become activities that your child looks
forward to and can count on to occur with
regularity.
Create realistic rules and a standard of
discipline that you stick to all the time.
If you're consistent with your child, he or she
will learn what is acceptable behavior and what is
not. They will also learn what you expect from
them and what they can expect from you.
If you're dependable, they will know that they can
always count on you to help them with their
homework, be there for dinner or tuck them in bed
at night.
They have to be able to depend on you. You're the
most important person in their life.
Try to remember that no matter how tired you are
at the end of the day or how frustrated you may
become when they're fussy - They need you to be
there for them.
You should cherish every moment with your child -
they are the best blessings on earth.
Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2004)
Danielle Hollister is the Writing Host at
BellaOnline
http://www.bellaonline.com/site/writing
and Publisher of BellaOnline’s Writing Zine
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art157.asp
to subscribe send email to: bellaonlinewriting-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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