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BY:
Christine Louise Hohlbaum
I’m no
child expert, but I have been a mother long enough to know
what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes, as parents, we
inflict more harm than good simply because we feel angry,
tired, or frustrated. Thinking about effective
disciplining practices BEFORE they are needed can help
save you and your children a lot of heart ache later.
How do we battle whining or undesirable attention-grabbing
behavior? Lengthy car trips, long waits in the check-out
lane, or doctors’ office waiting rooms – wherever boredom
sets in, watch out! My children require a great deal of
input in a day. Usually, we travel with one or two board
books or coloring books to pass the time at doctor’s
offices. Singing songs or reading a story can help make
car long trips seem shorter. Frequent rest stops to
stretch little and big legs alike help reduce
irritability.
We recently took a two-week vacation to the beach. After
thirteen days of fun, my four-year-old was grappling with
feelings of loss and sadness that our vacation was nearing
an end. When she told me that she didn’t like this day, I
suggested that we change the day to a new one. We ran
around our beach chairs three times, tumbling in the sand
with peals of laughter. It helped lighten her mood and
mine too!
Sibling rivalry is another issue that requires effective
discipline. Oftentimes, children need to gain distance
from their negative feelings. When my two and
four-year-old were at odds one day, I asked them for their
help. Suddenly, I had two quarrelling children that I
didn’t know what to do with. I asked them if they could
help me toss them out the window. We took two imaginary
kids, hoisted them out the ground-level window, and dusted
our hands of them. It worked! They immediately began
playing nicely together.
Acknowledging that children have control of their own
feelings and actions can be very powerful. Our time-out
chair is placed away from any toys or books in the living
room. The children know that if they misbehave after
repeated warnings, they’re destined for the white chair.
Often it is enough to simply ask them if they want to sit
on the time-out chair or stop their behavior. They are
made aware of their power to influence the situation.
A heightened form of discipline is sending the kids to
their rooms. I never leave them in their rooms for more
than a few minutes. Asking them why they were punished
helps clarify the situation for everyone. Oftentimes my
four-year-old is so wrapped up in her feelings that she
isn’t aware of what she is doing. Explaining why she was
punished gives her an added understanding of what went
wrong and how to avoid such behavior in the future.
Listening to her response is just as crucial. As parents,
we often forget that children need to be heard, no matter
how trivial it may seem. Parental explanation and
listening are key factors in building a mutually
respectful relationship. Your child won’t listen if you
don’t.
Discipline means teaching or guiding. We all need a little
guidance every day. Being creative and loving about it can
help you have the relationship you want with your child,
and you’ll have fun doing it, too!
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a
Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, has been
writing since she was eleven. She holds a B.A. from Smith
College and an M.A. from the Universitiy of Constance,
Germany. She currently resides near Munich with her
husband and two children. Visit her web site at:
http://www.diaryofamother.com
mailto:
chohlbaum@smith.alumnae.net
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