All For Dads

The Silver Fox? What Women Think About Gray Hair
By Marcy Barack
MSN LifeStyle: Boomers

The results are in. We asked Match.com users, "Ladies, is silver hair really sexy on guys?" and thousands said:

Gray hair is hot—72%
Let's admit up front that gray hair on men is distinguished. On women, it's just old. He's a silver fox. She's a crone. Oh, well, that's why there's Clairol.

The only thing better is when they're bald—12%
Let me just drop one name: Sean Connery. Or two: Patrick Stewart. Or three: Michael Jordan.

Silver's a sign he's passed his prime—16%
These gals are certainly entitled to this opinion, but in my book, the real turnoff is the thinning pelt. The long retreat of the hairline above the eyebrows leaves a skinny peninsula marooned over the nose. Then come the desperate attempts at disguise with the dreaded comb-over. At last, nothing remains but the semi-circular fringe above the collar.

Only an accident of genetics or a horrible brush with death turns a full head of hair gray while the owner is still young. In most people, it's a sign of advancing years. Aging confers many benefits on men:

1. They accumulate power and status in the form of money and position
When you go on a date with a silver fox, there's none of the dithering about that typifies a younger guy. He's got a plan. He'll pick you up. He may even open the door for you. If he's of the old school, there's no divvying up the check, either; it all goes on his platinum card. Once upon a time, a silver fox offered to send his airplane for me. Not every older guy has a fortune, but they are usually past the scrimping stage. Of course, you may have to make some allowances if he's still paying alimony and child support.

2. They become wise in the ways of the world and women
When you date an older guy, you reap the benefits of decades of female tutoring. All the women in his life who have preceded you—his mom, his girlfriends, especially his first wife—have hopefully taught him what women want. Those women educated him in the finer points of how to dress, how to act, how to listen, how to appreciate you.

3. They know how to have fun
The silver-haired fox who's going through a mid-life crisis typically drives a snazzy red sports car and throws around lots of money. He makes a great traveling companion. He's got decades of jokes to tell. And he's an enthusiastic lover. If he's already raised one family, chances are he may not want another. So if you don't particularly care for kids, he's a good choice.

4. They make good fathers
If you do want kids, and so does he, children from later marriages have certain advantages. A dad going through his second childhood makes a great playmate. And he may pay a lot more attention to children of his later years than kids who came along while he was fully immersed in building his career.

An Ounce of Prevention:
A Harvard doctor outlines basic steps all men should take to stay healthy.
By Harvey B. Simon, M.D.
MSNBC / Newsweek

Though few men understand it, and fewer still admit it, men are the weaker sex. It's true, of course, that males have larger frames and bigger, stronger muscles. They can out-lift, out-hit and out-throw their female counterparts. But when it comes to health, the gals are stronger by far.

In the United States, and around the world, women live longer than men. The average American woman has a life expectancy of 80.4 years; men lag 5.2 years behind. At every age, from conception to seniority, males have a higher death rate than females. Men die younger than women, and they are also more burdened by disease during life. They have more chronic illnesses than women, and they fall ill at an earlier age. Why? It's the $64,000 question. But there is no single answer. Instead, the gap depends on a complex mix of biological, social and behavioral factors. Possible contributors include: biological factors (men have one X chromosome and one Y chromosome, women two Xs; men have much more testosterone, women much more estrogen; women have higher HDL or "good" cholesterol levels, men more abdominal fat); social factors like work stress and social networks and support systems (men lag behind women); and behavioral factors (men tend to exhibit more risky behavior, aggression and violence, and unhealthy habits like smoking and alcohol abuse, yet they are less likely to see doctors).

Why do men make poor patients? Busy work schedules and competing responsibilities and interests may play a role, but the macho mentality appears to be the chief culprit. When it comes to health, many men put their heads in the sand and deny symptoms for as long as possible. And when they can no longer pretend there is no problem, many grit their teeth and "tough it out" instead of getting prompt medical care. Call it the John Wayne Syndrome or the Ostrich Mentality—by any name, it's an important contributor to the health gap. Women think about health more than men, and they are more diligent about checkups and preventive care. But men can take simple steps to protect themselves from the heart disease and lung cancer that felled the quintessential American he-man.

Prevention First:
Prevention is key to helping men become healthier and live longer. Here are 10 simple steps men can take:

• 1. Avoid tobacco and illicit drugs.
• 2. Exercise regularly.
• 3. Eat well.
• 4. Stay lean.
• 5. Limit alcoholic drinks to one or two a day (if any).
• 6. Avoid excess stress.
• 7. Wear a seat belt and behave prudently to avoid accidents.
• 8. Minimize exposure to ultraviolet rays, radiation, chemical pollutants or other environmental hazards.
• 9. Use protection against sexually transmitted diseases.
• 10. Listen to your body, report any problems to your doctor, and get preventive medical care.

If you take good care of yourself, you'll dramatically reduce your need for medical care. Still, all of us need some preventive maintenance. Here is a rundown of preventive services and major personal goals for each stage of life. Note that they apply to healthy men at average risk for disease. If you have increased risk because of your family history, health habits or clinical abnormalities, you'll need more testing and care. And, in each case, you should discuss options with your doctor so you can decide what's best for you.

The 20s:
Pediatricians and parents are in charge of tests for children and teens. But by age 20, men should take the wheel. And part of their new responsibility is to schedule regular checkups with a primary-care physician. As a rule of thumb, men should have a complete physical every five years when they are in their 20s, every three years in their 30s, every two years in their 40s, and every year beyond age 50.

Although cardiovascular diseases surface in midlife and beyond, risk factors start to do their damage in youth. Age 20 is the right time for a complete cholesterol profile and a careful blood-pressure check. It is also the time to measure height and weight, and to use these numbers to calculate your body-mass index, or BMI, the standard measure of obesity.

These tests should be repeated at every complete physical (and more often if abnormalities are detected or symptoms develop). Although the evidence of benefit is less clear, most physicians also order a complete blood count, a blood-sugar test and a urinalysis at each checkup. And dentists also practice prevention; see yours every six to 12 months.

As a rule, medical tests pile up as the years pile on. Testicular-cancer screening is the exception. It's a young man's disease, so men should have a physician's exam at every checkup until age 35, and they should also examine themselves at regular intervals, perhaps monthly (ask your doctor for information on self-exams). Men should also get an adult-type tetanus-pertussis-diphtheria booster every 10 years; so, for men who have all their pediatric shots, the first will come in their 20s.

The 30s:
Routine medical tests in the 30s simply continue the pattern of the 20s, just decreasing the interval between checks to three years and saying good riddance to testicular exams at age 35.

The 40s:
Medical care gets more complex in your 40s—but only a little. Most physicians schedule a baseline EKG to test your heart function at about age 40, and then repeat it periodically. And the American Diabetes Association recommends a fasting blood-sugar test at age 45, then every three years. It's also a reasonable time to start skin-cancer screening, with periodic self-exams, a physician exam with each checkup, and exams by a dermatologist for men at high risk (like those with fair skin, a family history of skin cancer, or who've had severe sunburns).

The 50s:
Now it starts to get interesting. Along with "all of the above," turning 50 means adding four more items to your medical checklist:

• 1. Colon-cancer screening. Men at average risk can choose from four options: an annual fecal occult blood testing (FOBT) with colonoscopy for a positive test; a FOBT plus sigmoidoscopy every five years; a colonoscopy every 10 years; or a double-contrast barium enema every five to 10 years. Individuals at higher-than-average risk (like those who have had previous colon polyps or colon cancer in a parent or sibling) should choose colonoscopy; it's the most arduous test but also the best.
• 2. Prostate-cancer screening. Colon-cancer screening is a no-brainer; every man should have it, though each can decide which type to have. But prostate-cancer screening is controversial. It is surely the best way to detect prostate cancer in its earliest, most-treatable form. Still, it is far from certain that early treatment will prolong life, and for some men the side effects of treatment will be worse than the illness, which is often very indolent. Annual PSA blood tests and digital rectal exams should be offered to men starting at age 50 (or at 40 or 45 for African Americans, or men with fathers or brothers with prostate cancer). Doctors should discuss the pros and cons of screening with each patient, who then has the burden of deciding for himself. Testing is unlikely to be helpful beyond age 70 to 75.
• 3. Eye exams by a specialist every one to two years, starting at age 50.
• 4. An annual flu shot.

The 60s:
In terms of medical tests and treatments, a 60-year-old is just a grayer 50-year-old, with two exceptions. Men who have ever smoked, even just 100 cigarettes, should get an abdominal ultrasound test to look for an abdominal aortic aneurysm (AAA) at age 65 (a family history of AAA is another reason to get the test). And all men should roll up a sleeve for a pneumococcal pneumonia shot at age 65.

The 70s and Beyond:
In time, even the healthiest of us will experience diminished physical and mental abilities. With good health habits, good medical care, good genes and good luck, the decline will be gradual—but it will occur. While it's important to keep working to stay healthy and active, it's also important to understand, accept and adjust to new limitations. But that doesn't mean dwelling on what's been lost. Instead, focus on all the good things in your past and keep looking for good things in your present—and future.

One of the few entirely good things about becoming an octogenarian is that you'll need fewer routine screening tests. Prostate-cancer screening is downright foolish, and many doctors believe the value of colon-cancer screening diminishes as the years roll on.

If you've made it to your 90s in good shape, your wisdom and experience are likely to include the value of good health habits and preventive medical care. Although it's impossible to single out any one bit of advice, the American aphorist Mason Cooley did a pretty fair job in 1922: "The wisdom of age: Don't stop walking."

Harvey B. Simon, M.D., is an associate professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School and a member of the Health Sciences Technology Faculty at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. He is the editor of Harvard Men's Health Watch, a monthly newsletter, and the author of six consumer health books, including "The Harvard Medical School Guide to Men's Health" (Simon and Schuster, 2002) and "The No Sweat Exercise Plan. Lose Weight, Get Healthy and Live Longer" (McGraw-Hill, 2006).

© 2006 Newsweek, Inc.

A Kid Again:
I love that fatherhood has brought me back to all those simple pleasures I had long forgotten. I can now hold my own during a tea party and sing the words to hundreds of toddler tunes. I'm also proud to say the joys of playing hide-and-seek and follow the leader have finally returned to me as a 47-year-old man. -- Rick, Plainfield, New Hampshire

Funny Talk:
The best part about being a father is receiving an unexpected call at work from my toddler. Even though I'm an hour away, I feel so close to my son while we talk. Sitting there, listening to him loudly blow raspberries and laughing into the phone always gives me a much-needed chuckle. -- Adam, Stow, Ohio

Family Time:
Sometimes on Saturday mornings, my wife and I will place our toddler in bed between us and have some family cuddle time. I love it when our daughter crawls over to me, gives me a hug, and lays her little head on my shoulder. -- Jim, Taylorsville, Kentucky

Early Riser:
I wake up to the sound of my daughter's voice on the baby monitor, at an hour way too early for me to ever consider rising on my own. I love entering her room and seeing the look of joy on her face as she smiles at me. I get such pleasure knowing she recognizes me as her father. -- James, Maspeth, New York

Learning Experiences:
My favorite part of being a new father is watching my daughter grow and learn. I love being a witness to all her new lessons and discoveries. -- Scott, Crestview, Florida

Sleeping Beauty:
It doesn't matter if it's three o'clock in the afternoon or three o'clock in the morning, whenever my 7-month-old daughter falls asleep on my chest, I can't help but feel a complete sense of awe at what I helped create. -- Stephen, Fishers, Indiana

Giggle Girl:
The best part of being a father is hearing my baby laugh when I tickle her. Her big and hearty chuckle just warms my heart! -- Clint, Tooele, Utah

Happy Days:
Each night when I get home from work, my 2-year-old son runs to greet me with a big hug and kiss. No matter how bad a day I've had, his reception always makes me feel better. -- John, Slippery Rock, Pennsylvania

Sweet Silence:
Each morning after I wake, I pick up my 7-month-old son and, before we do anything, I hug him for a full minute in complete silence. This intimate time we share each day is sacred and one of my favorite parts of being his dad. –
Frank, Omaha, Nebraska

Originally published in American Baby magazine, June 2005.

Conversation starters from the pros
By Maggie Kim & MSN Just For Men

Denise Fennell
Stand-up comic and lead actress from Off-Broadway hit,
Tony n' Tina's Wedding
"The art of what I do, as far as improv, is about initiating conversation with strangers. I look at someone and try to find something on their body that I can connect with; I look at clothes—shoes, ties, whatever. I think guys find it endearing if you say something like, "I bought my dad the same shirt." It's less of a come-on that way. I also think girls can get away with sillier things. I'll stare at people until they notice me and say, 'What are you looking at?' and it totally works in terms of breaking the ice. You have to realize that the worst thing that can happen is he (or she) won't respond and then you didn't have a chance anyway—so you've got nothing to lose."

Cristophe
Celebrity hairdresser to Bill Clinton, Nicole Kidman, and Liv Tyler
"Don't play it cool. Being intimidating and aloof is no way to start a dialogue, or a relationship. Being casual and friendly goes a long way towards establishing trust with someone. Also, use the fact that everyone has an image or fantasy of who they are inside. Tell someone they remind you of a certain celebrity and maybe continue the dialogue by asking, "If you could be any celebrity, who would it be?" You'd be surprised by some of the answers you get! It taps into who a person really feels they are or aspires to be. It's about finding out what someone's dreams may be. Then you can start connecting with them."

Jill Kargman and Carrie Karasyov
Socialites and authors of the book, Wolves in Chic Clothing
Jill: "Eavesdropping can be a clever entry point to a conversation. Let's call it the 'accidental eavesdrop' because you don't want to be rude. But especially someplace like New York, where people are literally on top of each other, it's easy to overhear something and join in with something fun and clever. It's a good entry point."
Carrie: "Do something crazy with your girlfriends. My friends and I used to play a game where one of us would go up to a guy the other thought was cute and say, 'My friend over there is psychic and we can prove it.' We had a whole system worked out, but the guys would go along because they're always up for an outrageous story."

Danny Millan
Co-owner of the New York City café Kingsize and bartender
"Treat the person you want to talk to as a human being - as opposed to someone you're trying to pick up. You can just say, 'I'm not trying to hit on you, but you've got a beautiful smile.' And if that's the end of the conversation, let it be the end of the conversation. Be respectful and don't force it. Everyone appreciates being told something nice, no strings attached. Be earnest, give a real compliment, and maintain eye contact when you're talking. A woman can be wearing a low-cut top but make sure to talk to her—and not to them. Women are very quick to pick up on these nuances."

Donald P. Gregg
Former ambassador to South Korea
"I think showing you have a sense of humor is a real door-opener. A willingness to be self-deprecating is often helpful. And remember that sometimes it's a question of not saying too much—not falling all over yourself. Being low-key is good. And remember: The staring over your shoulder, or looking beyond the person you're talking to as if to see who else is there—that's a killer."

Dr. Joy Browne
National radio-show host
"Pick something in the environment around you that you can comment on, like 'Isn't that the ugliest painting you ever saw?' It's something they can focus on, comment on, and it's non-threatening. Or just be bold: Once I was in a party at a bar. I walked in and there were about 50 women—attractive, smart, well-dressed—but virtually no men. I walked up to the little cluster of men and said, 'My friends and I are over there in the back, and they triple-dog-dared me to invite you guys over.' The worst that someone can say is bug off, but so what?"

Paula Froelich
New York Post Page Six gossip columnist and author of
It!: Nine Secrets of the Rich and Famous That'll Take You To the Top
"Start with a compliment; there just aren't enough compliments going around. A guy once looked at me and said, 'I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just want to tell you I think you are really beautiful.' It was short, simple and sweet and I was so flattered I was speechless, which rarely happens. But make sure it's sincere and honest. Having a good conversation is about finding common ground, and that takes listening. You may only be interested in their butt, but you won't get any closer to the butt if you don't work the head."

Maggie Kim is a musician and writer in New York City. She lives at www.MaggieKim.com. In answer to the question, "Come here often?" she replies yes.

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Intestinal Fortitude
How to solve any digestive dilemma
by Erin Hobday

Dwight D. Eisenhower was a man with guts. He served as Supreme Allied Commander to defeat the Nazis, strong-armed the Soviets in Geneva, and sat in the Oval Office for two terms during the Cold War.

And yet, the one foe he wouldn't face was inflammatory bowel disease, a condition that plagued him with stomach pain until finally, in 1956, Ike cried uncle and underwent emergency surgery. Without the procedure, he would have died. The lesson?  Trusting your gut can save your life, and ignoring it could kill you.

Unfortunately, it's a lesson that millions of men still need to learn. "The majority of the time, men will endure pain and irregular digestion, even vomiting, and think, 'This is just how I am,'" says Mark Lane Welton, M.D., a Men's Health advisor and the chief of colon and rectal surgery at Stanford University medical center. The truth is, even though your body contains a food processor that rivals a Cuisinart, a lot can go wrong between the time dinner enters your esophagus and the moment it exits your, well, you know.

So stop telling yourself nothing's wrong and start listening to your body's digestive distress calls. Then read—and heed—our guide to beating the worst gastrointestinal gremlins.

Heartburn
Your body's food chute is your esophagus, a tunnel of muscle whose job it is to push what you swallow into your stomach. And although this is supposed to be a one-way street, stomach acid sometimes rises back up, causing the five-alarm fire we call heartburn.

Occasional heartburn can be caused simply by eating chocolate (it relaxes the gatekeeping muscle known as the esophageal sphincter) or lying down after a meal (the angle allows acid to escape). But a chronic burn can signal gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), a condition that occurs when the sphincter stops working properly. Left untreated, GERD can lead to a worse esophageal ailment: cancer.

Put out the grease fire. A forkful of fat is as bad for your heartburn as it is for your heart. In a study published in the journal Gut, researchers surveyed 371 people about their eating habits and found that those who were heartburn-free ate 10 fewer grams (g) of fat per day than the heartburn victims. "Fats cause the lower part of the esophagus to relax, making it easier for the stomach to reflux," says Hashem B. El-Serag, Ph.D., the lead study author. Eliminate 11 g saturated fat by ordering your morning latte with skim milk instead of whole, and cut out 14 g more by taking two of the yolks out of a three-egg omelet. Go to MensHealth.com/heartburn for 10 more quick ways to defat your diet.

Train your trunk. When Norwegian researchers surveyed more than 74,000 adults, they discovered that those who exercised regularly had the lowest incidence of GERD.

In fact, the people who swam, jogged, or skied for 30 minutes once a week were 50 percent less likely to suffer from the condition than the couch potatoes were. The researchers speculate that as the diaphragm is strengthened by cardio training, it exerts pressure on the esophageal sphincter, preventing it from allowing acid to escape. And while any cardio exercise helps, according to Matt Fitzgerald, a triathlon coach and the author of Runner's World Guide to Cross-Training, freestyle swimming pushes the diaphragm's envelope like nothing else.

Ulcers
Since acid is so damaging to your esophagus, you might wonder why it doesn't burn a hole through your stomach. One reason: a protective coating of mucus. But this barrier can be breached. Consuming copious amounts of coffee, overdoing it on ibuprofen and aspirin, and falling prey to the bacteria H. pylori can all wipe out mucus and allow acid to create quarter- to half-inch holes, better known as ulcers, in your stomach.

Do some navel gazing. Is there a bug in your belly? Up to 90 percent of people with H. pylori don't know it's there, even though the bacteria may be wreaking havoc on their stomach lining, according to a German study that also evaluated the benefits of testing for the microbe. When the researchers screened 5,000 people for H. pylori—and offered treatment to those who tested positive—the incidence of ulcers plummeted by nearly two-thirds after two years. "Early treatment can prevent ulcers. If they start bleeding, they are fatal in 10 percent of cases," says Andreas Zober, M.D., the lead study author. "Among high-risk populations, H. pylori eradication can also prevent stomach cancer." Ask your doctor about having an ELISA test to detect levels of IgG antibodies against H. pylori.

C the end of ulcers. The best way to eat to beat H. pylori is to swallow more vitamin C. In a recent study published in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition, researchers measured the blood levels of vitamin C in more than 6,000 people and determined that those with the highest levels were the least likely to show evidence of H. pylori infection. Unfortunately, one of the best sources of C—orange juice—could aggravate an ulcer, thanks to its high acid content. So instead of ordinary OJ, pick up Tropicana's Low Acid formulation; one 8-ounce glass packs a day's supply of vitamin C, minus most of the acid.

Inflammatory bowel disease
All in all, digestion is a pretty seamless process—unless you're one of the 1 million people with inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), a condition in which the lining of the intestines becomes inflamed. One theory suggests this happens because the immune system mistakes food for a foreign invader. White blood cells called T cells go wild and attack the intestinal wall, causing IBD sufferers to experience pain and diarrhea. And if IBD targets the large intestine, as it does in a form called colitis, the odds of developing colon cancer increase dramatically.

Employ germ warfare. Use yogurt to yank the rug out from under IBD. A recent study published in the journal Gastroenterology shows that treating IBD-afflicted intestinal tissue with probiotics—the good bacteria found in yogurt—encourages proper immune function. Plus, "probiotics limit bacterial invasion of the tissue," says Eyal Raz, Ph.D., the lead study author. Next time you're in the dairy aisle, pick up Stonyfield Farm yogurt; it's the only U.S. brand that packs Lactobacillus reuteri, a strain of bacteria shown to act as an extra anti-inflammatory. Blend it with fruit to make smoothies, or put a dollop on oatmeal.

Use slippery science. Because IBD can raise the risk of colon cancer, don't hesitate to see your doctor if DIY treatments fail. New antiadhesion medications can bind to white blood cells, such as T-lymphocytes, rendering them incapable of producing inflammation and damaging intestinal tissue. "It's kind of like putting Teflon on the T cells," says Matthew Grisham, Ph.D., a professor in the department of molecular and cell physiology at the LSU health-science center. Ask your doctor about natalizumab (brand name Tysabri), a multiple sclerosis drug currently under FDA review for the treatment of IBD.

Colon cancer
Your large intestine is the gastrointestinal ground zero for colon cancer, the second leading cause of cancer deaths among men. Fortunately, colon cancer is unique in that screenings can catch its precursors, called polyps, long before they mushroom into something malignant. And the current gold standard of screening is the colonoscopy, a procedure in which a flexible, camera-tipped tube is inserted up the length of the colon. It's recommended that men go for a colonoscopy every 10 years, beginning at age 50.

Put the freeze on franks. Rule of thumb: if it comes in a bun, it could be catastrophic for your colon. In a recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, researchers analyzed the eating habits of 150,000 adults over a decade and found that those who ate the most red and processed meats had a 50 percent higher risk of colon cancer than those who feasted on fish or fowl. Since the study didn't distinguish between lean steaks and fat-laden Big Macs, focus on cutting back on hot dogs, hamburgers (especially the fast-food kind), and sausages of every stripe. Instead, consume more chicken and fish, which contain nutrients such as selenium that may help ward off colon cancer.

Dye to live. Until recently, the best a man with a family history of colon cancer could do to offset his increased odds of developing the disease was go for a colonoscopy at age 40 instead of 50. Now there's a new lifesaving option: the high-magnification chromoscopic colonoscopy, a procedure that coats the colon with a dye designed to light up in the presence of precancerous cells. "It's able to go through the layers of the bowel, almost the same way an electron microscope would," says Dr. Welton. "This lets physicians remove suspicious cells before they develop into polyps." If colon cancer is in your genes, ask your doctor about a referral to a local cancer center or university hospital that offers the test.

Older women and younger men
By Rachel Greenwald

Dear Rachel,
I am a 48-year-old woman who has recently started dating a 32-year-old man. He wrote to me after viewing my Match.com online profile, and at first, I didn’t write him back. I thought he was joking. After he wrote me a second time, I responded that I thought his profile looked intriguing, but the age difference made a chance at romance too unlikely. He was very persuasive: Bottom line, we met, had instant chemistry, and have been on six wonderful dates so far. We have many things in common and he makes me laugh. He seems like a mature, sincere and warm person.

Neither one of us has ever been married before. He has told me up front that he doesn’t want to have children, so my age is not a problem for him. However, the age difference seems to be a big problem for me! I am embarrassed to tell my friends that I am dating someone 16 years younger, and I’m also worried that this is some kind of fling for him, or, at worst, a sign that he needs therapy to resolve some mommy issues (although he has not told me about any problems or issues with his mother). I want to find the right man and get married one day, and if he isn’t serious about me, I’d rather not waste my time and risk the heartache. What should I do? Can love ever end happily for an older woman and younger man?
-Margaret in New Jersey

Dear Margaret,
You are on the cutting edge of dating today! By far the biggest trend in dating that I have seen in the last couple of years has been the emergence of older women/younger men couples. And most of them seem happy and accepted by society. Remember that many years ago, homosexual and lesbian couples were shocking and now they are so commonplace that most people (at least under the age of 60) don’t blink an eye. I believe the same is true for older women/younger men couples: Somehow, they don’t seem taboo anymore. Isn’t that great?

You seem to have two issues here: What your friends will think and your own anxieties. As far as the first one goes, I think you’d be surprised how your friends will react. I bet most of them will be jealous! Perhaps there will be some surprised comments from your friends initially, but you yourself will ultimately set the tone for their reactions. If you present your relationship to them as healthy, happy and loving, they are likely to respect your choice. Since you have only been on six dates with this man, maybe you should wait a bit longer to tell them (so you’ll be certain this is a real relationship).

The second issue is more serious, because your anxieties may be holding you back from finding love. Everything that you are worried about will be an issue regardless of age: Whether your new beau is 32 or 52, it’s always possible that he thinks you’re just a fling, or that he has emotional issues with his mother, or many other problems. Don’t assume that a younger man has any greater or lesser chance of being your future husband. Especially since he has already told you that he doesn’t want children, it seems to make sense that he is interested in dating older women (most women in their 30’s want children, so I give him credit for seeking the right dating audience).

This man might be everything you are looking for, but wrapped in a package you weren’t expecting. Focus on what kind of person he is and how he makes you feel—he sounds pretty wonderful to me. I have seen many happily married older women/younger men couples and I’m glad that we live in an era where these couples are socially acceptable, just as older men/younger women couples have been accepted for centuries!

Rachel Greenwald, M.B.A., is the author of The New York Times Best Selling book Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School. She appeared on The Today Show and has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Fortune Magazine, and People Magazine. If you would like more tips on dating after 40 or would like to submit a question to Rachel, please visit her website at www.findahusbandafter35.com.

Suddenly Single

Want to impress the ladies with your great taste in home décor and more? Skip the leather couch and silk boxers and buy these bachelor essentials.

1. A top-notch coffee/espresso maker
Any girl who’s at your place for dinner (or lounging in your bed come morning) deserves a classier send-off than “see ya,” so trade in your college-days $20 coffee maker for a machine that’ll give Starbucks a run for its money. The professional-quality Delonghi “Caffe Figaro” Coffee/Espresso Machine ($230, macys.com) uses steam pressure to brew a superior espresso; the built-in milk frother allows her to request a latte or cappuccino. Toss in a $20 electric grinder — fresh grounds are a must for a quality caffeine fix — and you'll make her feel like a princess without breaking out the whole breakfast-in-bed shtick.

2. A lamp in your bedroom
Raise your hand if the only source of light in your bedroom is that garish overhead fixture that was there when you first moved in. Now, all of you, go out and buy a bedside lamp with a fabric shade. This inexpensive trifle is not lost on women, who not only see it as a sign of your civility (imagine that, a light switch within arm’s reach vs. across the room!), she’ll also feel much more comfortable under its softer, more forgiving glow. (Ikea.com has a large selection in the $10 to $40 range that should satisfy any man’s tastes without siphoning his savings.)

3. Swiffer Sweeper + Swiffer Cloths + Swiffer Wet Cloths
For her, walking across your floor barefoot should not be an exercise in muck tolerance. To that end, the Swiffer is the greatest thing to happen to the lazy man since the remote control. As simple as this cloth-on-a-stick looks, the electrostatically charged sheets suck up dust, hair and dirt in no time, and the Wet Cloths will make quick work of your bathroom floor—a necessity if you ever want her to visit again.

4. A comfortable couch
Repeat after me: You do not need a black leather couch. Skip the cliché and pick out a plush upholstered sofa, like the simple, elegant, under $1,000 Mercer at Roomandboard.com. And no matter what style you buy, play it safe and pick a neutral or muted color, then purchase a couple of pillows with stripes or a bold, masculine pattern to jazz it up and prove you aren’t your average lug when it comes to home décor.

5. Nice underwear
When it comes to your love life, the last thing you want is for your underwear to be a mood-killer, and trust me, the following selections will make her recoil: Tighty whities; underwear featuring cartoon characters, or anything that resembles what a woman would wear. (Bikini briefs? Heaven help you.) Even silk boxers, no matter how nice, can send a sleazy vibe, so stick with something basic, like Calvin Klein cotton boxers or boxer briefs. Splurge on at least two weeks' worth and throw out the others, lest you’re tempted to don a ratty pair and put off doing laundry—you never know when opportunity will strike.

6. A key-ring that can fix, cut, and open anything
Sure, your power-tool collection is outstanding—but it'll do you no good sitting in your closet when your date's sunglasses come apart at the restaurant. Show off how useful you can be by whipping out the tiny-but-powerful Leatherman Micra key-ring (leatherman.com). The two-and-a-half-inch, 1.75-ounce stainless-steel multi-tool combines scissors, tweezers, nail file, ruler, bottle opener, three screwdrivers, and a blade (of course). You’ll be amazed how indispensable it (and you, by extension) will become to her.

7. $150+ jeans
Why cough up that much dough when you can find a seemingly-fine pair for much less? Because designer denim does make a difference—and you can wear them everywhere from a dive bar to a five-star restaurant, if paired with the right shirt and suit jacket. Check out stores that carry Diesel, Evisu, Paper Denim & Cloth, or Seven. Since every pair of jeans fits differently, you will need to try a few on: Err on the side of too tight as opposed to too baggy, as jeans do stretch a bit as they are broken in. Choose a pair that isn't too trendy (warning signs include more than five pockets, garish stitching, and too much "distress," like rips or bleaching) unless you're willing to buy into next season's style as well.

8. $200+ dress shoes
Accept it: Girls are into footwear, and your feet will be one of the first things she looks at. Invest in quality black leather tie-ups — which will never go out of fashion and will match with most any jeans, pants or suit — to make a great first impression every time. If she knows her shoes, she'll be hoping to find you could afford a pair of Bruno Magli, Kenneth Cole, Steve Madden, or John Varvatos. Sure, they’re not cheap, but hey, it could be worse: We could be the ones in heels.

9. 300-thread-count cotton sheets
Let’s face it: You (and hopefully your date) will be spending a lot of quality time here. So skip the scratchy polyester blends and splurge on some 100-percent Egyptian cotton sheets with a thread count of 300—the higher the thread count, the softer the sheet. It’ll run you around $120 for a queen-size set (for a good selection, check out bedbathandbeyond.com), but anything that might keep her in bed longer is worth the expense, right?

10. The Joy of Cooking
Few things are sexier than a guy who can cook... but if toasting Pop-Tarts is the extent of your expertise? Then get Joy, the bible of all cookbooks since, unlike its trendier, more specialized alternatives like Nigella Lawson or Rocco DiSpirito, it contains recipes for just about anything you could think to make, all laid out with instructions that even an alien from another planet could figure out. So go ahead, invite her over for something simple (vegetarian chili, for instance) or exotic (Chicken Kiev, anyone?) and learn that the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach, too.

Matt Schneiderman is an editor for Sync, a men's tech and lifestyle magazine. He owns nine of the ten things on this list—and has added The Joy of Cooking to his Amazon wish list.